


Reminiscientia

by hibiren



Series: Jay's FFXV Fic Favorites Collection 2018+ [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cape Caem (Final Fantasy XV), Confessions, Coping, Crying, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, Fate & Destiny, Heartache, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, IgNoct, Love, M/M, Memories, One Shot, Pain, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 06:18:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16034714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiren/pseuds/hibiren
Summary: After suffering in painful realization of the consequences of Altissia over time, Umbra's power graces a traumatized Noctis with a return to the past. Yet his memory still survives and the others remain blissfully unaware anything has changed, as if everything Noctis had witnessed had all been a dream... Was it all a dream? All in his head? Noctis takes his opportunity nonetheless at a second chance to tell Ignis what's really been on his mind.





	Reminiscientia

**Author's Note:**

> Me personally, my experience using Umbra's power to take Noctis back to Past-Lucis (where I've had the chocobros remain since beating the game tbh) always had me wondering, does Noct remember everything (due to the game mechanics, he retains all his items/powers/etc) from the present as he returns to the past, or is it more like dreaming, where he would be 'in the moment' again? I wanted to explore the former because "YAY FEELS AT MIDNIGHT" (hehe) but also because I thought, given all the information we have regarding the "Alternate Universe/'Good' Ending" to the game, would there be a way that Noctis could change anything himself, by 'replaying' his own experiences? Or would he be left powerless as time continued to march on in the way it had to get him where he'd been in the first place? Time-space is such an interesting concept it hurts my brain but I love it anyway~ hope you enjoy!

Waking up with the sunlight streaming through the window surprised Noctis—turning over, he examined his surroundings after blinking to clear his vision. The interior of the guest bedroom at the Cape Caem house revealed that he wasn’t alone.

The last thing he’d seen prior to waking was Umbra, before he fell off into a dreamlike state only to suddenly find himself transported to an early morning Cape Caem, with everyone still asleep. Ignis, in the bed closest to his. Dreaming silently, a slight twitch of an eyebrow or lip occuring every few moments. No burns, scars, blood, or battle damage in sight. His tactician’s skin was perfect. Noctis wished to keep that way, if there was anything he could do to change their future. A future where no one else had to suffer on his behalf.

_Don’t be afraid to let us share the load._

Ignis’ voice, from that day, still echoed in Noctis’ head as if he’d heard it clear as the first time.

Perhaps, this time, he could redeem himself.

Prompto stirred in his cot, drawing Noctis’ attention out of his own head. He was curled up under a pile of blankets, just his head poking out, across from Ignis’ bed. Gladio sprawled across the couch instead of occupying the fourth cot, as usual—but he had a rather suspicious looking magazine covering his head, and Noctis couldn’t help but chuckle soberly at the scene before him. At how, normal, everything seemed.

Everyone looked so peaceful, unaware of what the future held.

He would sound crazy, if he started going on about the things he’d seen, that he’d felt; would they tell him it was a bad dream? Or just paranoid thoughts about failure? Or would they listen, and help him plan out a way to avoid so much pain? Ignis, especially. If fate were to repeat itself a second time, it would be unbearable. What if everything he’d experienced _had_ all been a bad dream, and they would be right in telling him so? Whatever was the case, he’d seen a future he didn’t want to be a part of. With so many people risking so much, with so little hope of redemption, it broke Noctis to think that everything had gone so poorly. What could he do to change the future? It wasn’t a burden to take on alone. But to ask such a task of his friends… would that be seeking too much?

A moment passed, and Ignis put a hand to his head, then fumbled to the side table where his glasses rested, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he rested the frames in their proper position on his face. It took him a second after sitting up and stretching his back to notice something was amiss.

“Noct, you’re up early,” Ignis remarked, genuinely surprised. “I think this is the first time in years I’ve seen you fully awake before noon.”

“Yeah, I…” Noctis began, but trailed off, unsure of where his excuse was really going. “Hey, Iggy, if you want, I can help you go pick some things from the garden for breakfast. It’d be good to get out of here. I’m feeling a bit cramped.”

“You must be coming down with something!” Ignis joked, quieting his voice when Prompto rolled over and muttered something about making finger guns in his sleep (at which the two shared a momentary laugh), “Awake before me, _and_ offering to help me with breakfast? I should pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

Noctis smiled and shrugged, slipping out of the bed to go hunt down his boots. “You're not dreaming at all... C’mon, let’s go.”

After making themselves more presentable, the two left the bedroom and quickly made their way downstairs. No one else was in the kitchen at the moment, or anywhere around the house, so they had a silent, yet oddly comfortable walk outside. The still-rising sun cast rays of yellow and gold down upon the Cape, and the rustling sound of the wind and the ocean below coupled with the carried chirping of birds in the breeze made for a beautiful morning, one that Noctis found himself becoming distracted in. A nearly cloudless sky, pleasant temperature, and a horizon that spread out endlessly, blending into the distance. Everything seemed perfect.

It was then, before they reached the garden, that Noctis turned to make a detour up the hill and Ignis followed, unquestioning.

Willing his voice to stay steady, Noctis turned to Ignis and asked, “One thing, though… can I talk to you for a minute? By the lighthouse, where we’re out of the way.”

“Of course, Noct. Is something troubling you?”

Ignis shifted uneasily on his feet when they reached their desired stop behind the lighthouse near the fences, and took a moment to lean against the wall, looking out at the clear blue of the Cygillan Ocean. Already he appeared as if he were calculating what could be on Noctis’ mind. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been sleeping well at all for the past few days. Have you been having nightmares, perhaps? Nervous of the days to come?”

The motion of settling on the wall next to Ignis caught Noctis by surprise. His body, in space, felt predetermined, as if he knew subconsciously that was where he was supposed to be. Where he belonged. The breeze from the ocean brushed between them and carried Ignis’ light, spiced cologne Noctis’ way and he felt his heart sinking further the closer he wanted to be to his tactician. Truthfully, Noctis felt as if he would crumble, break down, sink to his knees before Ignis and beg to change the future… but instead, he spent a long minute trying to gather enough coherency to respond to Ignis’ question.

“I, um… yeah. Nightmares. I…”

As Noctis stared a few waves began to stir, roused by the growing winds. He kept his eyes fixed on the tide, knowing if he were to turn and meet Ignis’ gaze he wouldn’t be able to contain himself.

“I’m scared, Ignis,” Noctis finally muttered. He clenched his fists tightly and tried to ignore the burning in his face in admission of his own fear. He shouldn’t be scared. He had seen the future. And now he could attempt to prevent his nightmare visions from coming true. Wasn’t that a good thing?

Ignis lightly touched Noctis’ shoulder. His voice remained soft as he spoke, “We’re all frightened, and that’s perfectly respectable. This is quite a task asked of us, but it’s our duty to do our best and ensure your safety through all of it. We swore it not only in our words but our hearts as well. We have your back and will fight for you until the light leaves our eyes.”

“ _Don’t say that_ ,” Noctis raised his wavering voice, turning as he fought back tears to face the tactician. His fists, still clenched tightly, nails sure to break the skin if he continued much longer. “ _Please._ Please, don’t say that. I don’t want to lose you—or Gladio, or Prompto. Anyone. I want all of us to make it through this together. Somehow. I don’t want you to get injured for my sake. Especially you.”

The hand at Noctis’ shoulder lowered slowly. Calculating eyes, still echoing with warmth, began to realize what Noctis was trying hard not to say. Ignis managed a smile though it disappeared as he bowed just slightly, taking Noctis’ hand in his and bringing it to his lips as a sign of respect. And acknowledgment. Somewhere in his mind Noctis hoped the gesture was more than one of tradition.

“You’re worth every drop of blood in my body, Noctis. Regardless of any oath. Regardless of any dreams of a terrifying future that may or may not come to pass. I’ll be at your side through all of it no matter what.”

Noctis knew that it was impossible to hide the way his hand trembled at the tactician’s words. He touched Ignis’ arm to bring him to stand and when his action was met with confusion, Noctis took a step to finally close the distance between them and pulled Ignis into a brief but desperate kiss.

And before Noctis could stop himself after immediately pulling away, realizing what he’d done, the words that came tumbling from his lips spilled freely like the rising waters below. Words he felt like he’d rehearsed a thousand times in his head, yet never had the courage to say. If he were to change the future, perhaps admitting and accepting the strength of his own feelings was the true place to start.

“I love you, Iggy. So much. I’ve seen terrible things happen… things that happened to you because I wasn’t prepared. I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve already sacrificed so much to get me where I am today. If things go the way I’ve seen them, I don’t want to live like that. Accepting that I allowed you to suffer so much because of my negligence and weakness... I can’t—no, I won’t let it happen. It has to be different this time.”

The kiss left Ignis stunned, at the least, but once again Ignis reached for Noctis’ hand, intertwining their fingers and giving him a gentle squeeze. Just slightly, in the growing daylight, Noctis almost detected a hint of pink blooming across his cheeks.

“Remember what I said, Noct. No matter what, I’ll always be at your side. I always have been, and always will be.” The blond smiled, just a slight motion of his lips turning upward, and Noctis found himself unable to keep up his facade any longer. Fingers still locked together, Noctis wrapped his other arm around Ignis and held him tight. He wept, soundlessly, into the tactician’s shirt and Ignis just held him, free hand trailing gentle, cautious paths along Noctis’ back to do what little he could to help soothe his shaking. “No nightmare, no matter how real, will ever change that.”

“I don’t want you to die,” Noctis’ confession, muffled, still resonated the pain he finally let free. “I don’t want you to go blind, or get hurt, or suffer, or worse, because I was too weak to fight my own battles.”

“You don’t have to fight alone, you know,” Ignis spoke, waiting a few seconds after Noctis went silent. “We’re here to help. And when you need to do what must be done, we’ll support you, together. You’re not alone. I promise.”

Nothing else that Noctis could conjure in his mind could ease the memory of what he'd seen already. So he stood still, clinging to Ignis as if he were the only thing keeping him from going adrift in his own head.

“Noct,” Ignis spoke softly against Noctis’ hair, finally shifting their positions so they were more face to face, yet still holding hands. “I love you. I want to see you safe, and happy. I can't bear to see you hurting… there must be something I can do to ease your mind.”

“I don't know what to do. I'm not ready. I can't face my fate…” Noctis muttered, just loud enough over the wind for Ignis to catch his words. “Help me… please. I don't know what to do.”

“I know what may help. Perhaps, for now, we should head back to the house. I can make one of your favorites for breakfast, if it would help cheer you up?” offered Ignis, though his tone suggested he was slightly unsure of his own words. “A distraction may suffice for the moment. A day of recovery. We have been pushing ourselves rather hard lately… resting would do us all good. You could even catch up on your fishing? We could have a fresh catch for dinner.”

Noctis only shrugged in response and answered, “I guess. I just… I just want the old days back. The four of us on the road, laughing, joking, camping, when the future wasn't so heavy…”

“We have plenty more of those days ahead,” Ignis interjected thoughtfully, yet paused to pull Noctis closer to him one more time. “You're better than your nightmares, Noct. Never let them get to you. If you ever need to talk, or just need someone to listen, I am _always_ free. Since the first day, you've always been my priority whether or not I've said so. And as your tactician I am responsible for keeping you as focused as possible on what's important, and helping you cope with everything that burdens you, when necessary. It will be alright. I'll make sure of it.”

“...Thanks, Iggy.”

The two shared one more kiss, bodies pressed close against the lighthouse when the sound of wandering voices echoed nearby. If only they had the time to pay no mind, be reckless… but in the end as long as they knew, in their hearts, they had each other… that was enough to give Noctis strength to push past his own fears of the future. This time, things would be different. As many times as he had to repeat it to himself to make it a reality, he would. No longer would Noctis let the visions that plagued him, real or not, matter—he would change fate since he'd been given a chance.

**Author's Note:**

> As I combed my mind for a title for this one, the word "Reminiscence" came to mind. Because I like doing a little bit of linguistic research I came across the wonderfully coincidental tidbit, that the Late Latin conjugation of "reminiscence" is spelled out as "reminiscientia" so, I knew it was practically obligatory at that point (lol).
> 
> I hope the ideas I had for this fic came out coherently! Thank you for reading! I really loved writing this, mostly for the feels, but also because I'm delving slightly deeper into the unfamiliar waters of IgNoct and want to get more FFXV fics written too while I've still got some energy left! Wonder what draft I should work on next? I have quite a few, hmm....


End file.
